He’s a Mustache Machine!

By: Jerry Landry

He shaves it off. It reappears above his lips two days later. Some call this a blessing. He regards it as a curse.

This upper lip follicle factory has been in constant “eager beaver” production mode since shortly after his 13th birthday. Since this time, he has been irresistible to both women and pedophilic freight handlers alike.

“At first [when growing mustaches] I thoroughly enjoyed the attention… but now, it’s out of hand… how in the hell can I get out of the limelight, especially when one half of my mustache and glasses disguise is easily recognizable?”